Letting Go
by iheartShules
Summary: Joss needs John to deal with the aftermath of his kidnapping. Spoilers for Dead Reckoning. T for now unsure if this will become a bigger story or stay as an one shot.


The soft ticking of her wall mounted clock was the only sound that greeted her as she pushed her door to her apartment open. She forced her tired, and achy body forward quietly shutting the door locking it. She winced as she struggled to shrug her jacket off the painful bruises, and scrapes she suffered from the accident catching up to her. She felt drained emotionally, and physically. These past few days had taken their toll on her making her feel like she aged a hundred years. She kicked off her shoes feeling the blisters on the balls of her feet thanks to traveling up 21 flights of stairs to get to him.

Tears formed in the backs of her eyes, but she refused to let them fall. If she allowed herself to cry she was afraid she wouldn't stop. _John._ It scared her how much he had come to mean to her. Before he had been just a man in a suit who most likely was a criminal, then he had become a begrudgingly mutual ally to help people, and now he was her friend. A friend she had almost lost tonight a friend that she cared deeply about. A tear she had adamantly been refusing to let out escaped, and she swiped it away with a flick of her finger. Joss walked slowly towards her son's bedroom. She just had to seen him, and reconnect to her world again. She felt like she was floating in some nether world that she didn't belong in, and she needed to reassure herself this was her life.

Joss slowly opened his bedroom door seeing her son Taylor sound asleep in his bed, and for the first time in days she let herself relax a little. A smile formed on her lips as she ran her eyes across her baby for a moment longer before she quietly shut the door once more. Joss turned the light switch on in her own bedroom as she entered taking her time unbuttoning her shirt her mind wandering towards John again. She wondered if he was doing the same thing as she was trying to reconnect to the world. He had been incarcerated prior to being kidnapped by Stanton. She saw the look in his eyes when she had arrived on the floor to try to help him. It was utter despair, but not for himself but for her because he knew she would want to help him, and she couldn't. She closed her eyes tightly as she unwillingly allowed herself to remember it. The step back from her when she tried to move close to him, and his rough '_you can't_' tore at her heart.

Joss reopened her eyes as she slid the shirt off of her body followed by her slacks she stood in just her bra, and panties now as she slowly made her way into her adjoining bathroom. She turned on the water, and began filling her bath tub with lukewarm water, and some bubble bath needing something to soothe her aches, and the pain in her heart. Once she felt the temperature was alright she finished undressing slipping into the bubble bath feeling the immediate effect it had. Her body relaxed instantly as she leaned her head back her eyes on the ceiling above her. The night's events left a mark on her one that was going to take a lot of time to sort through. She wasn't going to get much sleep tonight even knowing John was alright. Even seeing him wasn't going to make it better not right now anyways. It was past three in the morning, and she had to go to work in just mere hours as it was. She had waited until John came down with Finch by his side, and Fusco never left hers. She couldn't leave until she saw him with her own eyes that he was alright.

When he arrived down with Finch a long while after everyone was gone she nearly sobbed in relief. She resisted the urge to run to him, to throw her arms around him, and hold him for fear if she did their relationship would change. She wasn't quite ready to deal with the depth of her feelings for him. Instead of running to him she had walked, and instead of throwing her arms around him she had grabbed his hand. He had smiled at her, and had she not looked in his eyes she would never have been able to see the truth of what the past few days had done to him. She guessed the old saying was true that eyes really were the windows to one's soul because when she had gazed into those blue eyes she saw what he was truly feeling. She had seen in John's eyes the same emotional, and physical exhaustion that mirrored her own. If it had been a harrowing few days for her it must have been ten times worse for him. He had suffered through it all, and he had thought he was going to die tonight.

She tried to clear the lump in her throat as it hit home that he nearly died tonight, and she didn't know what she would have done without him. Unwanted tears leaked out of her eyes slipping down the sides of cheeks falling into the bubbles, and water. The bath wasn't working as she felt herself tensing up again. She forced shallow gasps of breaths out trying to stop the tears but she couldn't. Tear after tear slid down her cheeks as she stepped out of the bath, and she angrily pulled the plug listening to the gurgling of the water as it tried to make it down the drain. She dried herself off pulling on her dark purple terrycloth robe on before exiting the bathroom. She was a police detective, and had been in the military she had seen plenty of violent things in her life so why was this affecting her so much? She bit harshly on her lip to stop the sob that wanted to escape her. She was fine damn it she was alive, John was alive, and everything worked out so why did she feel so utterly lost?

She made her way out of her room into her living room. She quickly flicked the light on filling the dark room with soft light. Her eyes zeroed in on the cell phone John had given her that only Finch or he would call her on. She walked as fast as she could to grab it. But once she had it in her hand she wasn't sure why she needed it? She wasn't going to call them Finch most likely was asleep, and same with John. He needed sleep hell so did she. She carried the phone with her forgetting to shut off the light walking slowly staring at the phone as she made her way back into her bedroom silently shutting the door behind her. She swallowed hard as she sat on the edge of her bed, and quietly dialed his number.

"What's wrong Carter?" she closed her eyes when he answered on the second ring. His soft voice filled her right ear, and the sob she had been holding onto escaped her. God she was a mess! "Joss what's wrong?" she heard the tension in his voice. She wanted to assure him she was alright, but she couldn't not when another sob escaped her. "I'll be there in ten minutes." she wanted to tell him not to bother, but the dial tone greeted her. She continued to sit with the phone to her ear listening to the beeping of the dial tone hearing a soft knock on the front door knowing it was him. She half laughed half sobbed when she looked at her alarm clock. He had gotten at her apartment in nine minutes. She slowly made her way to the locked door opening it for him. His dark hair sprinkled with gray was wet from an apparent shower his eyes were red rimmed, and his breath smelled suspiciously like alcohol, but none of it mattered. She choked on another sob when he entered her apartment shutting the door behind him, and she wrapped her arms around him. She buried her face in his chest as she felt herself let go, and hot tears streaked her cheeks falling into his soft white cotton shirt he was wearing under his jacket.

"I'm sorry." she whispered into his neck.

"For what?"

"For needing this." she closed her eyes fighting back the rest of her tears.

"You never have to be sorry for anything Joss." his voice was thick, and rough. She leaned her head back to stare up at him. His blue eyes shone bright with unshed tears staring deeply into her own. She forced herself to take a step back, and then another feeling his arms slip from around her immediately feeling the loss of his touch.

"John, I don't know what's wrong with me I just needed to hear your voice to make sure you truly are alright, and that you weren't going to vanish on me." she looked away from him.

"Joss its been quite an ordeal these past few days its okay to react like this. You nearly died in that car accident, and then you had to look for me not even getting a chance to process what happened." she shook her head looking into his eyes.

"You nearly died. I don't think I could of handled that John." her innate honesty refused to allow her to deny it to him or to herself. She needed him in her life.

"Joss…"

"I was so scared, angry, and helpless John. I hate being helpless I had to stand on the damned street looking up waiting for you to die and I…" she stuttered to a stop as the tears reemerged.

"Its over Joss."

"I know." it barely came out above a whisper she felt him lift his fingertips to her cheeks lifting her face forcing her to look into his eyes. She dragged in air as his hands dropped from her face, and he grabbed her hand and began tugging her towards her bedroom. She didn't know what he was doing but she trusted him. He paused only a moment to turn the light off to her living room before following the shallow light coming from her bedroom. She didn't say anything as she watched him from where he let go of her hand at the entrance of her bedroom. He pulled back her quilt on her bed before kicking off his dress shoes, and shrugging his long black jacket off leaving himself in just his dress pants, the white t-shirt and white socks. His eyes were on hers as he walked back over to her. He grabbed her hand in one of his, and pulled her slowly to the bed. She climbed on the bed on and he followed with her stretching his long, lean body beside her. He pulled the covers up over them, and he wrapped his arms around her pulling her to his strong, and warm body.

"Go to sleep Joss." he whispered in her ear, and she closed her eyes as unnamed emotions for this man flowed brightly inside her.

"I should be comforting you." she felt herself relaxing in his arms as sleep beckoned.

"You are." his whisper made her roll over so she could look into his eyes. She wrapped her arms around his midsection while he curled her towards him their legs entangling. She laid her head on his shoulder her eyes still on his seeing his eyes drooping as if he couldn't fight sleep off for much longer either. She grabbed his other hand linking their fingers together, and in moments they both fell asleep seeking comfort in one another's touches.

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Author's not: Hi, since my sequel to my other story hit a snag(seriously bad snag lol I had to scrap the entire idea since I hated it so much I'm a bit harsh on my own stories lol) I decided to write this mini little one shot for one of my favorite episodes :) SIGH it was amazing :) But anyways I'm not sure if I am going to write another chapter to this or not most likely it will remain an one shot, but I just couldn't resist I just felt like both Joss and John were both emotionally and physically exhausted after everything and they needed comfort in each other's presence. Well I hope you enjoy, and I thank you for reading!


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